Head bowed in shame. I walk in the office, hoping no one notices me. Please don’t talk to me, I can’t face it right now. Slowly I shuffle to my desk and slowly lower myself into the chair. My back is sore to touch, the bruises are starting to come out now.
How did I get here, I ask myself? Why am I still here? What did I do to deserve this? I ask these questions over and over again. But nothing changes. I stay stuck. I feel useless, worthless and maybe I should not even be here.
I sit at my desk and get on with my work. I am good at what I do but that does not matter. You see, I will be overlooked for promotion, I will be kept at a low position because that is just the way it is. Every aspect of my life is hell. Seriously, I want to JUST. GIVE. UP.
I am tired of the fight now. I cry and dream of a different life. One where I am respected, happy and truly living. Not this. Living with a partner who makes my life a living hell. Whatever I do is wrong, feeling the fear as I walk into the house, not knowing what I will face tonight. Being pushed, hit, having my food spat in. Having my glasses and contact lenses taken away from me so I cannot leave.
The Christmas Party. A happy time for most but not for me. The argument starts in the morning, the wearing down, the picking, the bitching. I get in the bath. He walks in and starts again. “You are a slut, why are you going, who are you seeing, don’t bother putting make up on you look shit anyway”. Inside my head I am screaming, I am dying inside. Please someone help me. He drops me off and tells me to be in the car park at midnight.
Cinderella shall go to the ball after all. Where is my Prince Charming? Where is the fucking Fairy Godmother? What Cinderella had that I did not was hope. She didn’t play the victim. She had her dreams and she never doubted them. Her imagination created her reality. She kept faithful to those dreams, she believed she could, and she did. And so, the Fairy Godmother showed up and off she went to the ball as the Queen she was. And there he was, Prince Charming and although she had to be home by midnight, she left her slipper. Her calling card. Prince Charming found her again and they lived happily ever after. Boom! Energetic match made in heaven.
I get to the carpark at midnight with a colleague who I had confided in. He walked me there as I was still upset. I got in the car and waved goodbye to my colleague. I knew I was in trouble. What have you been doing? Bang a punch in the face. Blood poured out of my nose onto my jacket. Happy ever after. Nope!
You see I did not believe in myself. I was not Cinderella. There was no happy ending UNTIL I raised my game. I stepped up. I would not play victim anymore. It takes guts and courage. I did it the long and hard way. It took me years of work, and a whole lot of money, but I did it. Confidence and self-esteem can be stripped from us at a very young age. We may not even know it, but this will shape our lives. Bad relationships, work situations, attracting negative and repetitive cycles in your life.
This is why I do what I do. Are you ready to rise?
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